


nine years of love

by natigail



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 19 October, Anniversary, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy 9 Years of Dan and Phil, M/M, Moving In Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 13:23:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16347518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: There are a hundred ways to say I love you and a dozen of word for love. It might not even require words. Actions can speak louder than words, so every little touch, every shared glance, every joyful laugh, every tear shed and every seemingly normal moment.It should be the most fun you’ve ever had and for two boys it had been exactly that. Nine years of love. Shared struggles and successes. They had shared ten 19th of October in each other’s company with no sight of stopping yet.





	nine years of love

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make something today, 19th of October 2018, to remember how long Dan and Phil have known each other and how much they have done. Those two dorks finding each other have helped improve so many people’s lives, the boys’ own included. Happy 9 Years of Dan and Phil, International Phannie Day or whatever else it might be called.

**_2009 – The year of idolization_ **

None of them had every quite felt like this before. They had never talked to someone else like they did each other. Daily text conversations and Skype calls whenever possible had quickly and effortlessly become the norm for them.

Their curious parents had been asking whom they were talking to. Each of them answered timidly that it was just a new friend and they had been wearing matching expressions of tentative smiles.

They were just friends, even if they had become each other’s best friend in record time. They just fit and it had felt like something slotted into place and they could just talk. No awkward small talk at all.

Sure, they were nervous and sometimes mumbled or started rambling but the other one would _never_ discourage them. They loved listening to each other talk and they loved having video calls so they could look at each other while they talked.

It made them feel closer. Like Phil wasn’t in Manchester and Dan wasn’t in Reading, across from each other, separated by almost all of England. Both of them damned the distance. It wasn’t fair that they had to be so far apart and all too quickly the Skype calls just weren’t enough anymore.

They needed to meet.

Try explaining to your parents that you’re travelling three hours to visit an “internet friend” for three days. Dan’s parents had been half-convinced that he might be running into the arms of an axe murderer but Dan wasn’t backing down and he wasn’t listening to any parental logic and safety issues.

Phil was absolutely no threat to him, at least not like that. Dan was more scared that his heart had already gotten too attached and he might not be able to protect it. But heartbreak was still more realistic than an axe to the face.

To tell his parents that he would be having a friend over to stay at his house while no one else would be in the house hadn’t been an easy conversation for Phil either. His mother had legitimately sat him down and attempted to give him the safe sex conversation – again at 22! – and Phil hated that his mother had evidently seen right through his lies about Dan just being a friend.

But she was as supporting as ever. She told him how anyone who would make Phil smile at the screen like Dan did had to be pretty special. She also said to have fun but not too much fun and she had added a wink to that last part. It was mortifying.

None of the trouble mattered as the day arrived for either of them. They were too excited to meet in person. Both of them were anxious about whether or not it would feel natural and good like it had been when they had been talking online. Dan had spent the whole train journey failing to read in the magazine he bought while he bounced his leg up and down. Phil had arrived half an hour early to the train station and paced up and down to deal with his nervous energy.

Seeing each other in person was amazing. Phil had been scanning the crowd for Dan’s face and Dan paused on the step out of the train to do the same. As soon as their eyes locked, both of their hearts started racing to the same beat.

Wrapping their arms around each other had been heaven and neither of them had let go for a full moment. The bustling of other passengers around them faded into the background, until someone did bump into them and almost knocked both of them on their arses.

They caught each other, using the other’s body to steady themselves, and then they had both burst out laughing. It was unrestrained and shamelessly happy. It was the first shared laugh of too many to even attempt to count.

Exploring Manchester, including getting drinks at Starbucks, stopping at the Apple Store, going up in the Eye and sharing a meal at the Sky Bar, all seemed like a hazy dream sequence. They kept looking sideways to catch each other’s eyes and share small smiles. Conversation flowed just as easily as it had online.

They tell you to never meet your heroes.

Dan and Phil would not have agreed.

Phil had been Dan’s favourite YouTuber for a reason. He had been his hero and he had been his inspiration. When Dan had felt bad, he had turned to Phil’s videos to cheer him up and he had been awed at his creative and unique mind time and time again.

Dan had been a constant in Phil’s comment section and in replies to his tweets and Phil had connected to Dan’s words. They had resonated with him and he was baffled how someone like Dan could be so interested in his silly videos.

It had been a bit like a fantasy. It was too unrealistic to find the one you would spend your life with online, at least in 2009. They lived too far apart for it to ever work and there was the age difference to consider as well. They had allowed each other to dream at first but none of them had thought that this might be anything that could be logically sustained. It was too uncertain.

Logic fought with the emotions swirling around in their hearts.

They had never met anyone like each other. They had never been able to talk to someone like this before. It felt too good to be true and like it could be snatched out from under their hands if they blinked for a second.

But that night as they lay wrapped up in each other’s embrace, each of them made a secret vow. You had to fight for what mattered to you and they had come to mean so much to each other that they couldn’t even put words on it properly.

Hope sparked in their chests as their breathing synced and they both believed that they could make something of this. It was too early to put a label on anything but the urge to keep this new and fascinating person in their life was extremely strong.

Maybe it could even be something real. Only time would tell.

Still on that first day they met, the fantasy and the idolization started to melt away to give room for something different.

 

**_2010 – The year of yearning_ **

They hadn’t spent more than two weeks apart in their first year together, or the years that they didn’t know would follow yet. Dan would take the train up to Manchester every other weekend. The three-hour commute was hell but he would gladly go through it regularly to be with Phil.

It was a small price to pay to escape his family and all the people in his hometown who didn’t understand him.

Dan got a scholarship to study law at Manchester University. Both of them knew that the choice had been far from random but neither ever said anything about it. Not even when Dan helped to unpack Phil’s new flat in Manchester.

Phil wouldn’t have wanted Dan to pick his university based on proximity between them. He would never have wanted to interfere with Dan’s life in such a controlling manner.

At the same time, Dan had known in his heart that he needed to be near Phil and it almost felt more important than getting a degree. He would never have said it out loud but it had been tough to be separated by 300 kilometres.

In his head, it wasn’t a bad thing to move for the people you wanted in your life, especially not when it might be potentially best person in the world, according to Dan’s possibly biased perception. You would never really get him to admit that he might be biased. Not then when he felt like Phil was a literal sun and truly worthy of his online moniker.

Phil was glad to have him near as well. He loved when Dan would come over to the flat after classes, or even the times when he had shown up with a load of dirty laundry. It was part of the charm of the boy who managed to burn pasta because he forgot to put water in the bowl.

How Dan could both be so smart and so dumb at the same time was a riddle but Phil wouldn’t have traded him for anything in the world. Phil had wanted someone in his life for what felt like a long time.

His flirting on camera died down naturally when it could be directed at a certain person instead of being broadcasted out to all of his audience. Dan might have been on the other side of the screen back before they knew each other but Phil never really saw him as a fan.

Frankly, Phil still had trouble wrapping his head around the fact that people considered themselves fans of him. He was just a regular guy with a camera who filmed videos in his bedroom.

But after a certain Q&A, which they could never have predicted would become iconic for such a big group of people; the attention to both of their videos was boosted. People jumped between their two channels and you almost couldn’t be subscribed to one without the other.

It was exciting and new.

Just like they were.

Time seemed to have collapsed in the year they had known each other. The weeks were they had been separated had felt like months on end. The times that they had been together had passed in the blink of an eye.

Things were changing around them, as Phil had graduated and Dan had just started university. But they still made time for each other. Never once did they tire of each other. The magic never seemed to waver.

Being in the same city helped immensely but it didn’t quite take away the yearning that each of them felt in their chests. When they weren’t together, they usually thought of each other.

Without really intending for it to happen, they had become the centre of each other’s world. Friends would joke that they were joined at the hip. The viewers of their channels would assume that they were together, even if they had never said so. Their parents quickly realised that if it were the choice between seeing them or _him_ , then biological family would have to come second.

Dan was miserable in his accommodation and he liked to visit Phil whenever he could find the time between procrastinating the readings for classes. Phil felt like his flat was too empty and he was fairly certain that he wasn’t cut out for living on his own. Whenever Dan had been over, the atmosphere in Phil’s little home would change.

It dislodged something in Phil’s heart; a different type of yearning than to be with Dan all the time. It was the longing for sharing a space.

 

**_2011 – The year of endearment_ **

Dan was struggling with university. It had been nothing like when Phil had been at university, but it showed how important it was for you to study something you were passionate about.

Phil also identified another reason why Dan’s experience might have been different. Phil hadn’t had a _Dan_ when he had started. He had been flirting and going to parties and looking for people. Dan wasn’t looking for other people. All the time he wasn’t spending studying, he was mostly at Phil’s and he was just surface-level friends with the people in his hall.

What had come next had been easy. Phil’s lease was ending on his flat and the question to live together slipped his lips easier than anything he had ever asked.

He had still been nervous. It was a big deal to ask someone to move in with you. It had only been a year and a half at the time but Phil hadn’t been worried about Dan declining. Not only did he want to escape the university accommodation now that he was moving into his second year, but Phil had seen how his tension had melted whenever they sat down on Phil’s sofa to play video games or watch something.

Dan looked like he belonged in Phil’s space. They had fitted into each other’s lives just as easily as they had fitted into the first hug when nerves had been running high and they had never seen each other in real life before. He had been hit with an overwhelming feeling of it just making sense.

When Phil had asked, Dan had been stunned for a second while a million thoughts had passed through his head but he couldn’t vocalise any of them because one emotion was claiming all of his attention instead.

Phil wanted a shared home.

They had talked about the future before but it had been in abstract terms and they were both still young. This felt all encompassing right now but what if it fell apart down the line? What if life tore them apart or something happened?

But this was a big step but once Dan’s heart calmed and his mind quieted down, he didn’t need to consider his answer at all. It was an immediate yes and lots of physical affection shared.

Later, when they made a video mentioning it, in the scene Phil asked over the phone, so they wouldn’t have to circumvent how they could react in terms of joy if they had actually been in the same space.

Even as the two of them blossomed, on YouTube the story was clear. Best friends and roommates. It was a shield for them to attempt to stop the questions and protect their private lives.

Then Dan decided not to take the exam he had postponed and he chose not to go to university for a year. It had scared the both of them. They had both been taught that education was important and that you should have a safety net, even if they had started earning from their YouTube channels.

Dan told Phil that it was a temporary, hiatus thing, more than actually dropping out. Phil let him frame it like that but he had seen how Dan had struggled and how miserable he had been. He knew that going back wasn’t a good option for Dan. So instead he tried his best to help Dan deal with the bad mental health spiral that this decision sent him down.

The lack of a tether was unhealthy for him and Phil tired his best to become it. As their second year of first meeting came around again, they had a new project that paid more steadily than their own AdSense.

The Super Amazing Project was their first joint venture, other than collabs on each other’s channels. It was fun and it gave them something to shape their days after. If YouTube was to become their careers, then they needed to treat it as such.

It had started as a hobby for both of them but as Phil quit his “proper” job and Dan choose not to go back to university, their videos needed to evolve. They needed to adapt and charge ahead differently.

They wouldn’t have been able to do it without each other. They served to motivate each other. They shared ideas and encouraged each other’s creativity. When one of them came up with something, the other would jump on and help make it better, whether that be by helping add something to the idea, looking over the edit or simply being a source of support to get something finished.

It could have been argued that it might be a bit hazardous to mix their personal and professional lives and wound them so tightly together. But the boys didn’t even see it as such. They regarded each other with endearment in everything that they did.

When a certain video was unprivated by YouTube, they got a taste of just how dangerous it could be to put your private life out there like that and as more people took note of their content, they also opened themselves up for more scrutiny on their private lives. They started to take steps to protect themselves.

Living together brought challenges such as Phil stealing Dan’s cereal, squabbles over the shower and Phil complaining about Dan talking too long to straighten his hair but it was nothing they couldn’t solve. It was just domestic bickering. It was something they perfected in the first couple of months and it bled into how they talked to each other.

They had never lived with someone other than their parents or people from university. It was exciting to get to wake up and see the person you cared for so deeply every single morning with a low rough voice mumbling good morning with hair sticking up in all directions.

What the two of them had started to change again, and it got a new added depth, but they unquestionably continued to experience endearment in every shared day.

 

**_2012 – The year of devotion_ **

When Phil was asked to host a radio show on BBC1 on Christmas Day, he hadn’t even thought before he asked if he could do it with Dan. It had been the most natural thing for him to request that his partner could be by his side.

He argued fiercely with the person on the phone. Two would be better than one and it would be a more fun show. They could watch their joint Super Amazing Project videos if they needed more convincing about their chemistry.

Phil hadn’t even considered that making such a condition might make him lose the opportunity, until Dan had pointed it out to him later while they were waiting to hear back from BBC. Phil had just wrapped Dan up in his arms and snuggled close.

He didn’t really want to do it without Dan. It was scary to be live on BBC Radio 1. That was a big deal and it wasn’t within their somewhat safe bubble of the online world.

They got the job and it turned out to be a joint project that would shape a lot of their future in ways they could never have predicted.

The three-hour show had gone well and the people at BBC liked their work. Talks started about them possibly having a show together that would be aired more regularly.

The move to London followed, even if it was still before they had even gotten their show idea approved. It was terrifying packing up their limited possessions and making the drive to London.

Phil had never liked London growing up and he had thought he might hate living there. If it hadn’t been for the knowledge that Dan would be by his side, he would never have had the courage to do so.

The flat they found was too expensive but at the same time they couldn’t let it go. It had a piano and Dan had been sold from the moment he saw that old instrument, even with how dusty and out of tune it was.

He had always wanted one and it seemed like fate.

It was a risky move with their unstable incomes in the most expensive city in England. Prices on everything were jacked up compared to Manchester and it was bigger and scarier than the smaller city that they both had felt so closely connected to.

In October, around the third anniversary of them first meeting, they got the show approved. They would also do the same Christmas spot as last year and then _The Dan and Phil Show_ was officially confirmed in the new year.

Dan and Phil was becoming a brand in a way they had never expected when they had first met on Manchester Piccadilly. The notice of them on the Internet was impossible knocked up another notch.

With the influx of new people also followed the speculations. Being roommates in Manchester had been easier to explain than moving to London together and sharing a new flat as well. They were moving for the BBC opportunity and they were establishing themselves as business partners but it didn’t stop people for assuming about their private lives and at times it got quite excessive.

It as invasive and rude and to say that it didn’t affect them at all would have been a lie. They started to be less touchy on camera. Even with all the joint projects going on and coming up, they tried to keep their individuality and set boundaries for their audience.

They were _Dan and Phil_ but they were also separate people with unique personalities and they were more than their coupling. They started to regret a bit of how open they had been in the past and old traces were deleted but they learned the hard way that once something was posted online, it could never truly be deleted.

It was paramount for them to take the step back and make clear distinctions about when they were Dan and Phil, the YouTube duo of danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil, and when they were just two regular lads.

Even so, their devotion to each other was clear without a shred of doubt. They trusted each other completely and they were willing to bet everything on the fact that they could make this work together.

It took guts to move and try to get the radio show confirmed but they were devoted to each other personally already and it had been all too easy for that devotion to bleed over into their professional lives.

 

**_2013 – The year of tenderness_ **

They were not just YouTubers anymore. They were radio presenters and like they had predicted, but also feared a little, it made _Dan and Phil_ into a brand. They became the Ant and Dec of the online world.

Except friendship wasn’t really enough to define what they were. But it was the brand they chose nonetheless. It was more professional and it was yet another attempt to keep one part of their lives locked away from prying eyes, or even prying fingers trying to claw out some proof of them.

Still, after a year and a half of keeping distance on camera and constantly bringing up that they were more than one joint unit, the hostility started to melt away every so slowly. It was still invasive at times but most people just wished for them to be happy.

Clearly, they saw how happy they made each other.

Their friends had remarked that on multiple occasions. YouTube conventions had become a part of their lives and in the new and scary areas they would always be right next to each other. A stable anchor to make sure none of them would drift away in the confusion.

It was an honour to attend stuff like Summer in The City, Vidcon and Playlist and it was good to see other YouTubers that they considered their friends but they never quite feel like they fit in.

It came close but they still felt a bit of a disconnect.

Seeing their audience in real life was a good thing for both of them. It made it feel more real than the growing numbers on screen and hearing that they helped, or even sometimes saved other human’s lives were a humbling experience to say the least.

None of them really enjoyed to corporate way that people were being rushed through meet and greets but they had to play by the rules. It wasn’t like the events were their to control.

Small touches returned again on screen, even if they were few and far between. They didn’t collab as much as they had done in the beginning but they were almost always part of each other’s videos in other ways. None of them really filmed anything before discussing the concept with the other.

People took note of the change but they were more respectful this time around. They were cautious that it could return again. New teenagers also found them and those were doing dumb teenage shenanigans without thinking of the consequences. But mostly, the audience seemed to grow with them and they were remarked with how many people had subscribed to their channels that stuck around even years later.

They were building a loyal audience and they created a community of the people who liked to view their stuff. They had become responsible for creating friendships and relationships online, which then sometimes even moved into the real world. It hit a little close to home and it soon became one of things that they were the most proud of.

Being able to help people felt good and being able to somehow facilitate that other people found each other in a similar way that Dan and Phil had all but melted their hearts.

Art works and fictions were written about them galore. They had always been aware of it but as the phandom grew, so did the creative content within the community. It was awe-inspiring that the two of them could somehow inspire other talented people to work on something and then share it with the world.

Some of it was a bit disturbing or definitely not for their eyes but through trial and error they had mostly perfected how to avoid stuff that they didn’t want to see.

They had both matured as people and they had remained by each other’s sides even as they changed and grew. Change was a part of life and you could either fight it or embrace it.

Changing might have destroyed many relationships through the years but it could not destroy the foundation that Dan and Phil had built. From the young boys filled with nerves and excitement to two boys in their twenties, building a joint career and continuing to be each other’s support.

Phil was a tactile person. He always had been and ever since he had met Dan he had reached out to touch him to offer reassurances, indicate excitement or to express tenderness. It had taken longer for Dan to be so unabashed in his physical affection. He was better with words but he did indeed use those freely to express how much Phil meant to him.

It was each their form of tenderness, expressed differently but expressing the same thing.

 

**_2014 – The year of attachment_ **

The brand stuck and it was a success. Dan and Phil, the best friend duo always doing projects together. For a long time, they had been doing projects _for_ others. It had been a more stable source of income that way but both of them felt the urge to make things that were theirs.

They wanted to have the final word in situations. Dan was a perfectionist and a control freak. Phil cared so much about his creative output and he wanted to follow it through.

A thing both of them had done together ever since they met – _*cough* not that!_ – was playing video games. They had been a big part of both of their childhood and teens and since meeting they had acquired a constant multiplayer in their life.

When they just wanted to hang out and relax, they would often dig out their controls and play together. They got oddly competitive at times and each of them could be a sore loser, which the other always took advantage of with endless teasing. It was all in good sport and they enjoyed their consensual banter. It was nice to be able to get too involved with playing and then letting your frustrations show when you got annoyed at a loss. They didn’t need to hide the sore loser part from each other.

Besides, they knew that it was a switch back and forth of who would have a winning streak or losing streak. It was very similar to their streaks in the 7 second challenge on the radio show, which had now changed from weekly Sunday shows to them only doing a show on Monday once a month to make room for more big future plans. The winning and losing streaks also applied when they did rock-paper-scissors to determine who would take out the trash or do the dishes.

It all ebbed and flowed.

And it seemed the tide had finally turned to make an idea formed long ago into a reality. A _joint_ gaming channel. Branded with their names, because it was already so much a part of their lives. Still it felt different because this was their channel. No one else, no company or organisation or outside team, had any say in what they could or couldn’t do with it. It was all their own.

They were also aware that people who had joint channels with just two people were often couples. It hadn’t passed their noses but they pointedly chose to ignore it anyway. They knew it would only add to fuel speculations about them but they had gotten used to dealing with the hum in the influx of notifications and comments.

They simply decided that they didn’t care anymore.

They wanted to play games and it was a way to make more regular content for their audience that didn’t require as much creativity and it could be uploaded more frequently. They could have made channels on their own, like they had each their side channels, even as unused as they most sat.

It just hadn’t made sense to make separate channels when they always played video games together. It was one of their things.

They had also discovered through the years how much more fun things could be if you did it with people you enjoyed. It added a whole new layer of enjoyment to be able to celebrate and share wit someone else, especially when that someone else was some that you were completely attached to in more ways than one.

They had many labels between them and just a single one would never serve to describe them at all. Add in Dan’s hatred of labels, of any kind, and Phil’s dislike for being pushed into a box, you had boys who were quite happy with being just them and never limiting themselves.

They still did projects by themselves but still the gaming channel became something special. It allowed them to be less scripted and it was a much more causal version of themselves, even if they did still put on the persona a bit. It was difficult to let all the barriers fall away when you knew that potentially millions of people could be watching.

People who knew them and had spent time with them in real life had told them for years that they had been joined at the hip. In the beginning they would just have replied with giggles hid behind their hands and shared a smitten smile. Later, when everyone had been speculating about them online and taking it too far, they had become hostile towards such an expression and outwardly denied it. It had taken them a long time to feel okay with the phrase again.

They had a complicated relationship with attachment and it didn’t help that their feelings had gotten caught in it before. They wanted to be close and they enjoyed it immensely but calling it attached seemed to indicate that they couldn’t step away from each other.

They could.

They absolutely had the power to do so, even if it might have become increasingly difficult as years passed and their lives became weaved into each other.

But they weren’t attached because of their circumstances.

They were attached because they chose to associate with each other and reiterate that attachment again and again. They wanted to be attached to each other now. When you found someone that you could talk to about anything, someone you could do anything with and someone who would indulge you and support you then you craved that attachment.

They were plastering their names _Dan and Phil_ time and time again, like a mantra. If they were ever apart, they even had a tendency to bring the other’s name up in conversation, even if unprompted.

They wanted the attachment because it showed how serious they were about each other. How willing they were to be in each other’s lives in every way they possibly could.

They could have broken the attachment but they simply chose not to.

 

**_2015 – The year of passion_ **

Moving forward they sought even greater control of their projects. They had made their own little Dan and Phil world and a lot of people had chosen to step into that community and embrace it. They wanted to have something to capture what they had built, even if they had never set out to make it in the first place.

They had just been nerds filming videos in their bedrooms. So many people had done that but somehow they felt like they had found something special in what they had created. Perhaps, it was because they weren’t alone in this. They were side by side and they had been established as such.

Phil is not on fire was a continuous reminder that they had decided to merge so much of their content. Deciding to write a book and a stage show had come to them naturally. With Phil’s degree in English and Dan’s old drama club performances, it seemed like a perfect match. Dan had also always had a fondness for the written word and Phil had, very briefly, dabbled in acting. They were creators and performers and this seemed like a thing that would make sense for them.

Part of the creation of TABINOF and TATINOF were for their audience. It was something for them to hold and attend and a chance to experience a new side of the two of them.

Another part was more selfish. They wanted to have something to immortalise what they had created, even if the first establishing steps had been accidental. All the projects, decisions and goals that followed had been very intentional.

It had been fun to write together, even if it had also been a source of argument at times. It was all good arguments, however, over different ideas or creative directions but even when they disagreed they hadn’t been far off from each other. They could always find a middle ground and they pushed each other and it helped make the book and the stage show the best it could possibly be.

They wanted to create something where they took away some of the elements that they had disliked from YouTube conventions, because they were becoming increasingly staged and rushed. The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire would be different and they tried very much to make it something special.

It was not exactly easy to convince UK venues to rent them theatres all across the country but it was times like these that their management team came in very handy, even if the two of them were pretty much involved in every step anyway.

They were met with a bit of scepticism. YouTubers doing a show? What kind of show? Would they have a band? Do comedy? They talked to a lot of confused people, even if they were pleasantly surprised that some people in the traditional media world had discovered that YouTubers were more than just people making silly videos once a week and doing little else.

Their follower counts helped them far to book deals but even they were stunned when tickets had gone live and several venues had sold out on the first week. It had been promising and exciting but also terrifying. The book also did well in the charts and that was a nice accomplishment too, even if it didn’t feel so grand when every single book by YouTubers tended to land there just because of their big and loyal followers.

It was much more gratifying to be able to meet people at every tour stop. They had kept the VIP tickets quite limited so they would be able to at least have good moment without being rushed too much.

Again and again they were told stories of how the two of them and their videos had helped people. It was humbling and touching and they walked out onto stage afterwards with massive smiles on their faces that weren’t just because they were performing.

TATINOF showed them that not only had they found each other – they had also found people like them and they had made a safe space for people to be okay. It was rewarding in a way that their work usually wasn’t because numbers on a screen were fickle and could not be trusted.

When they sung that the Internet is here and that they wouldn’t have met without it, they truly meant every word and they were both happy that they had taken the time to rewrite the song themselves, even if the work had nearly finished them before they could finish it. It might not objectively be the best song but it was their song and it said what they wanted to.

Tour life was hectic but at least they made it back to the flat for that special day in October. They even decided to do a joint live show on YouNow and as usual whenever one of them showed up on the other’s live stream, they would pretend that it was a secret guest.

As if there would every really be any special guest other than each other. Phil hiding behind a post-it note was comical to say the least. But it felt good to do one of those together to talk to their audience in a way that usually helped to make them feel more connected.

Weekly and separate live shows had been going on for years by this point. Occasionally they would do one together but they still liked to have separate ones as well. For an hour or less, it was good to be on the screen by themselves to just chat and connect. It also worked to make them more focused on engaging with their viewers rather than each other.

When the other person was in the room, it had always been a bit of a struggle to pull their focus from each other. The ironic heart eyes howell and love eyes lester was something they treated as a light joking matter, like they did everything about how much they liked each other when on screen, but they still cut out lingering glances when they were too obvious in the edit.

You could not edit anything out when you were live on stage, and oddly the tour served to soften them up a bit more. They started to relax a bit about overanalysing how they engaged with each other in favour of focusing on their passions.

The book and the tour were huge passion projects and they hadn’t been sure that they could make them into a reality. But tour was already going well and talks about expanding to the rest of the world were in progress only a month into touring the UK. They followed their passions and it was paying off to try new things, as Phil would say.

 

**_2016 – The year of fondness_ **

Tour took over their lives, especially as they moved across the pond and started the international dates. Life on the tour bus was weird.

Phil got homesick and he would either snuggle up to Dan or resort to hugging his pillow if they were amongst too many people. Both of them were a little slice of home. Dan was handling it better and the set system and clear purpose of his days kept his depression better at bay. He found that he didn’t miss the London home much, which hadn’t been such a big surprise for him. He had brought his home along with him for the tour after all.

Their crew didn’t explicitly know anything but they both knew that it wasn’t hard to read between the lines when they hung out constantly. Dan and Phil had rather a lot of practice with separating their in-public way of behaving versus how they were when it was just the two of them at home and away from prying eyes.

Here home was a mixture of dodgy hotel rooms or beds on wheels. It didn’t afford them much privacy at all but that was okay. They had been together for so long that it would take much more than a world tour to shake their bond.

They had even survived the long flights where Phil would constantly get bored and then turn to pester Dan who might either have been reading a book or playing on his phone. They liked to make fun of Phil’s inability to stay quiet for too long on planes but Dan didn’t really mind for most parts and Phil knew that.

They each had huge tolerances for each other’s company. They had truly, and thankfully, found someone who didn’t drain their social battery. Still, everyone had their limits and they knew when it was banter and when they were serious.

Giving each other space was important even now that they were more on top of each other than ever.

As the summer passed and tour was winding down they made their way back to London to focus on releasing the movie of the show and the accompanying documentary. It was almost over, just three dates in Europe and they would have completed TATINOF completely.

It had been their entire lives for a year and a half. It had taken up so much mental space that they were looking forward to doing a little less in the coming year. They always thought of their years as starting in October instead of January.

When Phil had pointed it out, Dan argued that it was because school usually started in September and October was only a month away, so it wasn’t that odd. Phil let him have that explanation and he didn’t fight it.

They always started or finished big projects in October. It was their month and it had nothing to do with the school year, in Phil’s opinion. It was just their thing. October meant something very special to both of them. Dan was sentimental as hell but he also liked to argue against it sometimes. Phil indulged him.

As they had been on tour, they had often been tired when they had finally found a moment to film a collab or a gaming video and as a consequence more of their filter and restraints had started to melt away little by little. They also started to edit out less and less of the moments.

Having met so many lovely people from all over the world who liked their content, they also felt a little less scared about opening up. Sure, there would still be idiots on the Internet and some of them would unfortunately also find their way into the phandom but they decided not to focus on the hate when it was so clear that there was a lot of love to give.

They said that when a friendship lasted more than seven years then it was destined to last a lifetime. Then there was also the rumour about your cells regenerating themselves, so that you would essentially be a completely different person after seven years. Dan had told that little information to Phil, causally and between bites of pizza but it had been there all the same. They had now been in each other’s lives for so long that the version of themselves that had lived without the other didn’t even exist anymore, if you were to believe that story about the cells.

Phil had decided that he liked the idea and he told so to Dan. Dan shot him a glance brimming with fondness before it tipped over and he rolled his eyes.

After so many years, things had never turned sour between them. Things hadn’t always been soft and they had definitely had arguments and sometimes even exchanged shouts but the fondness hadn’t ever disappeared. They cared about each other on a fundamental level that they didn’t even know how to explain.

But it wasn’t really a thing they needed words for, so that was okay. Just one glace, loaded up with fondness, told them in a second the same as words would have done in minutes and less effectively.

 

**_2017 – The year of adoration_ **

Since they had been on the move and so busy for so long they had unanimously decided that the following year would be a time for domestic bliss. They had a new flat and they needed to make it into a home.

Their third home together and it wouldn’t be the last one either. A forever home was on the horizon, eventually, as was other important life decisions. It was incredible to think back to the time they moved into their first shared home and now they were already on number three.

It had been a different time in their lives; one marked by insecurity in their future and it was a stark contrast to the two of them now. They were determining and shaping their own careers, picking the projects they wanted to make and following them every step of the way. It was a way of working that still bore uncertainty but the two of them hadn’t been foolish with the money they had made.

What didn’t go into Dan’s designer clothes fund, as Phil endearingly insisted on calling their day-to-day shared account, had been invested safely. They were building their safety net and taking precautions in case YouTube wouldn’t be around in the future anymore.

None of them really identified as just a YouTuber any more anyway. It was a profession that had been mislabelled and misused too many times. Besides, they did much more than just make videos online, even if that was how they had first gained their notoriety.

The domestic and calm year did bring new projects, even if it hadn’t been entirely intentional. When a company approached them about making a board game, it had been all too natural to use the “home-made” game that Phil had designed for the rare occasions that they had guests over. Or more accurately, it had been invented during Lester family game nights on holiday, where Dan had obviously tagged along.

It wasn’t even a big deal anymore. Dan had felt like it had been a big deal the first couple of times but by now he had just slotted all too easily into the family dynamic like he had always been there. Well, he had been there for nearing a decade. It was a long time, even if it hadn’t felt like that.

Truth bombs were Phil’s idea and concept but like every other project, it was improved by input from both of them. Still, Dan fought fiercely to bring up the fact that it was Phil’s idea at any given moment that he could. It mattered. He still wasn’t sure why he held more subscribers on his main channel than Phil’s, because while he was proud of the content he made, he found that Phil’s videos were something quite special. His creativity in particular needed to be praised.

Being back in London had left Dan a little untethered and the week he had forgotten to renew his antidepressants had been hell on earth. It took him a long time to figure out how to talk about his depression or if he even should. Phil had assured him that he had no responsibility to share if it wouldn’t be good for him. Dan’s mental health was the most important part but Phil also promised to be there to support him if he did want to make the video.

In October, because despite Dan’s protests it was a special month for their content and it almost correlated with world mental health day, Dan posted a video that he was very proud of. He never outwardly mentioned Phil in it but he was there in every corner and carefully phrased word if you knew where to look. Still it hadn’t quite felt like enough, so he had to add the blooper of Phil helping him film a scene. Phil’s laughter finished up the video and it was the best end to it that Dan could have imagined.

They were here for each other in their darkest moments or in their brightest successes. They shared everything, even things that hadn’t actually been meant for sharing like Phil’s Creator of the Year award where he had insisted on calling Dan up on stage. It had been an award for just Phil, to give him the credit he most definitely deserved but even then he hadn’t been able to accept it without inviting Dan along. Phil spoke in gestures and Dan spoke in words.

Joking that the universe would rip in half if they ever stepped further than arm’s length away from each other had slipped out as easy as breathing. It was something comfortable to joke about now, even if it would have made a younger Dan bristle and hiss at the implication that he couldn’t step away from his partner.

Maybe the two of them had just mellowed over the years or maybe, they had just gradually become comfortable with sharing more of their true feelings with the world. They didn’t owe the world or their audience these glimpses into their domestic life but they found themselves wanting to share them anyway.

They were happy. Happier than they had ever been and it had been going on an upward curve of happiness for at least the last few years. None of them had thought that they would be here if you had asked the two of them in ten years ago. It was before they knew each other and it was just AmazingPhil making videos and Dan as a username in the comment section.

They hadn’t realised their potential before they met each other. They brought out each other’s strength and they handled their weaknesses together because four shoulders to carry the weight were so much stronger than two.

And along the way, their affections from each other never truly wavered. Even in the ones when they could be mad at each other, the deep adoration never went away. It became embedded into their very being and they started to feel more comfortable with it shining out of their faces.

It was so much better to look for the good things in life than seeking out the bad. Adoration was a nice feeling in the pit of their stomachs when they looked over to each other and they could see it reflected right back at them.

Loving and being loved in return was one of the most precious things they had ever shared.

 

**_2018 – The year of warmth_ **

“I’m going to post the boomerang that I took of the London earlier too,” Dan said, as they settled into bed after a long day.

The Instagram stories had stuck even as Interactive Introverts finished. They didn’t share any until they were far away from easily recognisable areas but it still felt nice to share their art gallery adventures.

“Sure,” Phil said and stifled a yawn. It had been a long day. He glanced at the time and noticed that it was past midnight.

Huh.

“Happy anniversary,” he said to Dan, whose eyes instantly snapped up from the phone and focused on Phil’s.

They had been looking into each other’s eyes for nine years now but they never really tired of making eye contact. They loved each other’s eyes, just like they loved each other.

The eyes were windows to the soul and all that. Stating on stage in front of hundreds that they were super best friends and soulmates might not have been too far off.

They had both known that the 19th had been approaching but somehow it still took both of them a little by surprise. Nine years was a long time. It would have been young Dan and Phil’s dream to know that this was how the future would turn out for them.

“It does not feel like nine years,” Dan muttered as his expression turned thoughtful. “How is it that long, Phil? We’re getting old.”

Phil chuckled. “Talk for yourself, buddy,” he said teasingly and let himself fall down onto the bed. He reached over and poked Dan’s dimpled smile. His eyes were shining with warmth and even after all this time, Phil’s heart skipped a beat.

“You definitely wouldn’t think that you’re the old one,” Dan said, affection pouring out of his words.

“Did you get me a gift?” Phil asked and reached over to tickle Dan’s sides.

He liked that they were still like this; silly and young at heart.

Dan wrinkled his nose. They didn’t do gifts on this special October day. It was sappy and cliché but exchanging gifts hadn’t been a thing for them. They would much rather just spent time together.

“I’m the gift,” Dan said and raised a suggestive eyebrow. His tone was still light and teasing with no intention behind his words.

“You’re no gift,” Phil teased back. “You’re a menace, I can’t believe I’ve survived with you this long.”

This claim made Dan put down his phone and rolled over Phil. They play-fought like they were children and only stopped when they were both laughing too much to continue.

“You know what I saw on Twitter before you interrupted me?” Dan asked, as they lay side by side on their backs, chests expanding and drawing in break.

“What?”

“Dan smells like warm,” Dan quoted and he remembered how his heart had clenched upon reading that all those years ago on Dailybooth. “You’d never guess that you had a degree in English with that grammar.”

Phil swung an arm over to hit Dan but it felt softly with no intention to hurt. He just let it rest upon Dan’s chest. He liked to feel how Dan was breathing, strong and steadily, next to him. At times, Phil had wondered if he would lose him to his struggles when they were at their darkest.

Dan seemed to sense the change in the mood and he looked over with the cheeky smile melted away to make way for a tender expression of clear affection.

“You did smell like warm to me back then,” Phil argued weakly. “And it was all I could think of.”

“Warm isn’t a smell,” Dan argued, in a hushed whisper as he moved his hand to intertwine his fingers with the ones Phil had still sprawled across his chest. “It’s a temperature.”

“Maybe I meant hot,” Phil shot back.

Dan smirked a little at that. “But you didn’t,” he said knowingly.

He was right and they both knew it. Phil liked language but he had always felt like he had learnt the rules so he knew where to bend them. He loved to use expressions that didn’t fit at first glance but they made sense if you wanted them to.

“You make me feel warm,” Phil said and moved their hands from Dan’s chest over to his own. “Here. You still do.”

Warmth spread in Dan’s chest at the small confession. Even after all these years, Phil could still make him feel like that.

They continued to make each other fall in love every single day.

Their eyes were both focused on their interlocked hands until they looked up to lock eyes instead. Warmth was most certainly present in both of their eyes, almost as if all the deep affection was radiating out of them.

“You make me feel warm too,” Dan confessed.

The moment hang heavy for a beat before they started laughing and they did their little inside noise to break the tension. They were idiots. They were sappy and sentimental boys but that was okay because impossibly they had managed to find someone who matched them.

Their warmth for each other burned brightly, even after nine years of love.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I threw this together in two days because I suddenly felt the urge to mark their different years with a synonym for love. Leave it to me to write way too many words for such a simple concept but I hope you liked it. It’s still a bit surreal to have been able to watch them grown up through their videos and doing research for this story, I became astounded by how much they have achieved and created together. This is my no means a comprehensive list of it. They are good boys and I am very thankful that they met each other and decided to create a world and a community of like-minded people. I’m happy to be here and writing them has become such a big part of my life, without me every intending to make it so. Happy 19th of October!


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